Cullen Lifewith frequent VIM
by Veggie-Vampire-Sisters
Summary: This is a random laugh out loud story and our first! It has sections of proper story as well as i.m. Normal Pairings. Please read and reveiw!
1. Bella has a plan !

Jasper=ChillPill

Edward=Sparklee-Mazokissed _**(AN//you'll understand the spelling in a minute)**_

Emmett=Emmie-Bear!

Bella=HumanMinute

Alice=PixieChixie

Rosalie=Roses-R-Red

Carlisle= Dr-V-Pire

Esme=Mommie-Vamp

Jacob=HotDog

Seth=Friendly~Wolf

Leah= Your-Poor-Ex

_**(AN// we have made all the characters very silly in this story. Particularly Emmett's character. We hope you don't mind that. We assure you that we love him and nearly all the characters just as much as you probably do. We also apologise for the atrocious spelling we have done in Emmett's parts of the story. We hope you enjoy this as it is our first comedic piece. Also, though it is called VIM the wolves have managed to hack into it. And the Cullen's obviously let Bella onto the vampire messaging service.)**_

(PixieChixie online)

(HumanMinute online)

PixieChixie: Bells!!!

HumanMinute: Ali!!!

PixieChixie: What yar doing??

HumanMinute: Talking to you Al...

PixieChixie: WRONG!

HumanMinute: What?

PixieChixie: You're coming round to our house. Sle-e-e-pover! ... I'll just nip out and get 'the stuff'.

PixieChixie: See you soon Bells! =D

HumanMinute: B-but Ali!! I have stuff to do!

(PixieChixie offline)

(Emmie-Bear! online)

HumanMinute: Oh hey Emmett. :)

Emmie-Bear!: Hi Bella ='(

HumanMinute: Emmett? Are you okay?

Emmie-Bear!: No. *Brushes tear from eye*

HumanMinute: ?

Emmie-Bear!: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

HumanMinute: Emmett????????

(ChillPill online)

HumanMinute: Hi Jasper!

ChillPill: Hi Bella, have you seen Alice?

HumanMinute: She went shopping. Apparently we're all having a sleepover and she's getting 'stuff'

ChillPill: Oh. Be afraid. Be very afraid Bella.

HumanMinute: Um, Believe me Jasper I am- What's 'the stuff'? And do you know what's wrong with Em?

Emmie-Bear!:*Sniff sniff*

ChillPill: I can't tell you about the stuff Bella. Sorry I'm forbidden because you'd freak, and about Em... Lots of things are wrong with him Bella..

Emmie-Bear!: HEY!

(Sparklee-Mazokissed online)

Emmie-Bear: Ahhhhhhhhhhh. What do I do what do I do!!? Um, Gotta run Bye...

(Emmie-Bear! appear offline)

HumanMinute: Riight...

Sparklee-Mazokissed: Bella, love.

HumanMinute: Edward?

Sparklee-Mazokissed: What's wrong? I'm here?

HumanMinute: Um. Why did you change your screen name? I liked your old one. Plus it's spelt wrong.

Sparklee-Mazokissed: What? I didn't change it... EMMETT! I CAN'T BELIEVE HIM BELLA... .

HumanMinute: ...Don't get crabby. Just change it again.

(Sparklee-Mazokissed has changed his name to Deep-Thinker)

Deep-Thinker: Emmett is such a child.

HumanMinute: I know. Love you Edward x

Deep-Thinker: I love you too Bella.

ChillPill: EHHEMM. Still here guys.

HumanMinute: You're the best thing that has ever happened to me Edward. If only...

Deep-Thinker: No. Don't start this one again Bella. You know the answer.

HumanMinute: Fine!... (In a Mood with you now)

Deep-Thinker: ...

HumanMinute: Stupid pesky Vampires.

ChillPill: Guys?

HumanMinute: Maybe I should go to this Aro you guys talk about.

Deep-Thinker: NO!

ChillPill: NO!

HumanMinute: Alice would change me... Jasper?

ChillPill: 1) Edward would kill me. 2) I would kill you.

Deep-Thinker: Bella...

HumanMinute: HAH!

Deep-Thinker: ?

HumanMinute: Hah. Hah. Hah.

ChillPill: ?

_**(AN// Bella is thinking of an evil plan)**_

(HumanMinute offline)


	2. NICE CROCSTER!

ChillPill: *sighs* Just change her bro.

Deep-Thinker: No Jazz. I will not condemn her to this life.

ChillPill: She'll get her way.

Deep-Thinker: Not if I can help it.

(Deep-Thinker offline)

Emmie-Bear!: Jasper is he gone?

ChillPill: Yeah Emmett, he's gone, now will you tell me what's wrong.

Emmie-Bear!: NEVER! NOPE!

ChillPill: Emmett... I bet that you won't tell me what's wrong...

Emmie-Bear!: B-b-but dude!! That's like blakmayil I have to tell you wats rong now overwise I loose...

Emmie-Bear!: Fiyne I was sad becoze I lost a bet against Alice. (Boohoo) But now I've won one against you SUCKER!! (All better…)

ChillPill: How many times have I told you not to bet against Alice Emmett?

Emmie-Bear!: one, two, free four five... WONSE I CORT A FISHY ALIVE... Six, seven, eight nine ten THEN I LET HIM GOE AGAYIN...

ChillPill: Err, why the hell are you counting like that Em?

Emmie-Bear!: SHHHHHHHHHH! I'm CONTENTRATING

Emmie-Bear!: Y DID U LET HIM GOE BECOZE HEE BIT MY FINGER SO.. WITCH FINER DID HE BIT THIS LITTLE FINGER ON MY RITE...

ChillPill: Emmett, have you been doing your spelling practice lately?

Emmie-Bear!: Yees..........I mean now!

ChillPill: Carlisle won't be happy when I tell him

Emmie-Bear!: Pwease don't tell him.. I'll give you Rosalie's alowance for a monthe.

ChillPill: five months

Emmie-Bear!: DEAL!... That was a bad deal wazn't et.?

ChillPill: No.. I would never con you Emmett! *laughs evilly*

Emmie-Bear: YAY *HUGS* I love U brother... ROWE ROWE ROWE YOUR BOWT GENTILLIE DOWN THE STREAM!!!!!!

ChillPill: ...?

Emmie-Bear!: MERRYLIE MERRYLIE MERRYLIE MERRYLIE LIKE IS BUTTER DREEM!!!!! *Yay me*

ChillPill: Why on earth are you singing that Em?

Emmie-Bear!: You made mi happy nowe shuuush!

Emmie-Bear!: IF YOU SEE A CROCCY DILEY DONT FORGET TO SCREEMM!!

ChillPill: Very nice.. You should join choir.!

Emmie-Bear!: Jasp...? Dude. Are you there?

Emmie-Bear!: *Emmie-Bear! sent you a nudge*

Emmie-Bear!: *you cannot send a nudge that often*

ChillPill: Em.. I'm here.

Emmie-Bear: NICE CROCCY DILEY.... NICE CROCSTER. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HELP HE'S BITING ME.

(Emmie-Bear! is offline)


	3. BUSTED!

(Deep-Thinker online)

Deep-Thinker: And that, my brother…is pay back.

ChillPill: Edward.. Where did you get a crocodile from?

Deep-Thinker: I bought it on eBay. No. What do you think Jazz? It was plastic.

ChillPill: You do rock at pranks... I mean, not as much as I do but still you're pretty good.

(Dr-V-Pire online)

Dr-V-Pire: Edward.

ChillPill: BUSTED!

Deep-Thinker: Damn it.

(ChillPill offline)

Dr-V-Pire: DON'T USE THAT LANGUAGE IN FRONT OF ME EDWARD ANTHONY MASEN CULLEN.

Deep-Thinker: Gosh! Sorry Dr Sparkles.

Dr-V-Pire: Less of that cheek boy. Do you know where Emmett is right now?

Deep-Thinker: No. I don't know darling daddy... *smirks*

Dr-V-Pire: He's curled up on the sofa crying right now Edward. I want you to apologise to EMMETT.

Deep-Thinker: Dad.. He's 18 eighteen years old. He needs to grow up, and anyway you're lying to me right now.. We. Can't. Cry.

Dr-V-Pire: Yes smart arse. I meant that's the way I would describe what he's doing right now.

Deep-Thinker: Fine dad. Just get him to come on V.I.M

_**(AN// Vampire instant messaging. They invented it themselves)**_

Dr-V-Pire: Thank You Edward.

(Dr-V-Pire offline)

(Emmie-Bear! online)

Deep-Thinker: Emmett I'm sorry about the Alligator prank please forgive me.

Emmie-Bear!: You tell me that your sorry didn't think I'd turn around and saaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Deep-Thinker: ?

Emmie-Bear!: its 2 late to apolagize. It's to laaaaaaaaaaaaaate.

Deep-Thinker: Just accept the apology like a big boy.

Emmie-Bear!: I sed IT'S TOO LAYTE TOO APOLIGIZEE ITS TOOOOOOOOOO LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE.

Deep-Thinker: WTF ACCEPT THE APPOLOGY FOOL.

Emmie-Bear!: *sniff sniff* you're such a bully.

Deep-Thinker: You'll regret it if you don't accept the apology Em.

Emmie-Bear!: It's two late Edward. We're OVER!

Deep-Thinker: I'm Sorry.. HOLD ON! I'm thinking of a song! Can you guess what song it is Emmie Bear, I think you know...

Emmie-Bear!: Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh YAY!

Deep-Thinker: If you're happy and you know it clap you hands.

Emmie-Bear!: *Clap Clap*

Deep-Thinker: If you're happy and you know it clap you hands.

Emmie-Bear!: *Clap Clap*

Deep-Thinker: The things I have to do…

(Deep-Thinker offline)

Emmie-Bear!: If yore Hippie and u now it and you really want to showe it iff yore hippie and u now it clap your hands! *Clap Clap*

Emmie-Bear!: B-b-but wher'd he go?

(Dr-V-Pire online)

(Mommie-Vamp online)

Dr-V-Pire: What on earth was that god damn noise?

Emmie-Bear!: I was singing for YOU!!!

Mommie-Vamp: That was the most the most beautiful thing I've ever heard honey.

Emmie-Bear!: Thank You Mommie!

Emmie-Bear!: MOMMIE? DADDIE? You have V.I.M ?

Dr-V-Pire: Well.. We're down with the kids.

Mommie-Vamp: Oh yeah dude! We're da bom!

Emmie-Bear!: Get OFF! NOW! (Pleeeeeeeeeeaze... 4 meeee)

Mommie-Vamp: Emmett... Have you been doing your spelling?

(ChillPill online)

ChillPill: BUSTED!

(ChillPill offline)

Emmie-Bear!: Dame U Jazz pants!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dr-V-Pire: Emmett you're grounded. Firstly get off the internet. Don't think I won't know if you're online, secondly, no video games, thirdly, no sex with Rosalie for a week.

Emmie-Bear!: Pweety Pwease? *Puppy dog eyes*

Mommy-Vamp: No.

Emmie-Bear!: I. HATE. YOU *Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah*

(Emmie-Bear! offline)

Mommy-Vamp: Sometimes I wonder why we had kids....

(Dr-V-Pire offline)

(Mommy-Vamp offline)


	4. Fiesty!

(Roses-R-Red online)

(HotDog online)

(Friendly~Wolf online)

(Your-Poor-Ex online)

Roses-R-Red: Oh, look just what the wind brought in.

HotDog: Hey, hey sweet thang

Roses-R-Red: what did you just call me dog? I'll find Emmett

HotDog: ooh, scary the under developed five yr old.

Friendly~Wolf: Peace guys, just chill…

Your-Poor-Ex: Don't you dare come near my Jacob you… you… BLONDIE......

HotDog: Yeah. She said it... Hey Blondie I got something to keep you entertained:

To find out what will entertain you scroll down

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To find out what will entertain you scroll up

Roses-R-Red: You might think that's funny but just remember what happened to the people who messed with me before. DOG.

Hotdog: FIESTY! Dyou wanna go out sometime Babe?

Roses-R-Red: You are one twisted puppy, you know that. Anyway everyone knows you love Bella.

(Roses-R-Red offline)

(Hotdog offline)

Your-Poor-Ex: What's her problem.. I'd happily go out with him.

Friendly~Wolf: *Shudders* that is wrong sister…

(Your-Poor-Ex offline)

(Friendly~Wolf offline)

_**(AN// The story bit is coming in a minute.)**_


	5. Bpov The Stuff

The Stuff.......

Bella's pov.

I stared out of my window and the I saw it, a patch of yellow among the blur of falling raindrops. Alice was here!

In less than two seconds I heard Charlie answer the knock on the door.

"Bella ,Alice is here" he shouted.

"Coming" I yelled back.

I had packed sweatpants, a sweater and a few other things, knowing all too well that Alice would have plenty for me to wear.

I said waved good bye to Charlie and stepped out into the cold only to be yanked into the leather interior of Alice's brand new yellow Porsche.

"I heard you tried to bribe my Jaspie into telling you what the stuff is Bella, but too bad, it's a surprise."

"Okay Alice... It is a pleasant surprise right?"

"For me, yes it is, but for you god no!"

"Thanks Alice, Thank you very much you really made me feel better"

"You're welcome"

Alice drove her car at 100 MPH as usual which meant that we arrived at the Cullen's house in less than five minutes.

"Is Edward here?"

"Nope, I sent them hunting, it's a girlie night in!!"

"Fantastic!"

"That's the spirit!" Alice grinned at me and then darted off with my bags leaving me standing on my own under the porch.

"I was being sarcastic Alice..."

Esme opened the door and welcomed into the warmth.

"Bellaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar!!!!!!!!!!!"Alice screamed at me.

"I'll be right there"

I started to trudge up the stairs at my human pace which apparently was too slow for Alice, she carried me up to Edward's room which had been rearranged and had a big gold king sized bed in the middle of the room. Alice dropped me onto the bed and screamed "Pillow Fight."

Suddenly it was raining feathers everywhere.

"Al! You have a slight advantage th--" Before I could finish my sentence I had a mouth full of fluff.

"Well that was fun wasn't it." Alice chirped.

"No. Not really. But this is" I said as I whacked Alice with my own pillow using all my strength.

"Right. You really shouldn't have done that."

Alice disappeared and came back with Rosalie and lots of boxes and bags.

"Rose you do the hair... Straightened and I think we'll have the... red..."

"Alice what is going on?"

"I'll do the face... and with the hair let's go for... HAYLEY WILLIAMS!"

_**(AN// Singer from Paramore- she has very cool hair) **_

"Okay, sure Alice"

"Bella, just sit back, relax we'll have you done in about two hours..."

"Alice? Rosalie? Please."

"Don't even think about it NO. You are not getting out of this Bella."

"FINE, you are an evil pixie Alice."

_**(AN// you can pretty much imagine the rest of the sleepover so we'll go back to VIM now. The VIM is starting when Bella gets back from the sleepover)**_


	6. Off to Alaska

(Deep-Thinker online)

(HumanMinute online)

Deep-Thinker: I missed you, how was the sleepover.

HumanMinute: ...

Deep-Thinker: Okay it can't have been that bad..

HumanMinute: Can't. Have. Been. That. Bad? Edward... THEY DYED MY HAIR RED!

HumanMinute: I repeat... THEY DYED MY HAIR RED.... ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

(Deep-Thinker has changed his status to- "gone into shock")

Deep-Thinker: I can't believe she'd do that to you. We are gonna get that evil pixie.

HumanMinute: My hero... Anyway I have to go and hide in the cupboard now until you bring the brown dye, I don't want anyone to see me… Love you xxx

(HumanMinute offline)

(PixieChixie online)

Deep-Thinker: Speaking of the devil...

PixieChixie: Yo yo you yo! Edward my daaaarling brother.

Deep-Thinker: Alice can I have a quick word with you.

PixieChixie: Sure, sure. What's the problaaamo? What is the trouble because whatever it is I can solve it!

Deep-Thinker: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING you know how much I loved Bella's hair brown. I only date brunettes so I can't see her until her hair is brown again.

PixieChixie: Ah. Well, about that, it wasn't technically me who dyed her hair. Rosalie did it.

Deep-Thinker:*thinking*

(PixieChixie offline)

Deep-Thinker: Hey! Alice, come back here I hadn't finished thinking.

(Roses-R-Red online)

Deep-Thinker: Rosalie, just the person I wanted to talk to, what's all this about you dying Bella's hair RED?

Roses-R-Red: Well... Alice told me to do it, she said it was the new 'Thang'

Deep-Thinker: where is she now?

Roses-R-Red: Not sure I thought she was on V.I.M... Hold on Edward

*Alice whispers for Rose to give Edward fake directions*

Oh, yea I just remembered she just left she's running away at the moment to Alaska …

Deep-Thinker: Thank you, finally something useful!

(Roses-R-Red offline)

(HumanMinute online)

HumanMinute: Have you sorted out Alice yet Edward?

Deep-Thinker: Sort of, but she has disappeared off to Alaska. It's very mysterious behaviour...

HumanMinute: If I get the colour out will you lay off Alice? I mean not completely but just don't kill her. I think she truly thought this would look good.

Deep-Thinker: Maybe.

HumanMinute: Right, I'll sort my hair for you and you find Alice.

Deep-Thinker: I'll be back soon. Be safe.

HumanMinute: ... Edward... Please don't talk to Tanya when you're in Alaska you know how it makes me feel... *shudders*

(HumanMinute offline)

_**(AN// Bella goes out to wash the colour out meanwhile Emmett is rehearsing a musical with the unwilling Jasper and Alice has disappeared. Edward is packing)**_

(Mommie-Vamp online)

Deep-Thinker: Mom? Could you help me check I've got everything?

Mommie-Vamp: Sure sweet heart. Compressed Blood parcels?

Deep-Thinker: Check!

Mommie-Vamp: mobile phone?

Deep-Thinker: Check!

Mommie-Vamp: Have you got Mr Teddy?

Deep-Thinker: YES MOM!... please don't say anything.

Mommie-Vamp: Okay I think that's all you need. You'll only be gone for a few nights.

Deep-Thinker: Thanks, see you soon. Give my love to Bella if she comes over.

(Deep-Thinker offline)

(Mommie-Vamp offline)


	7. Jpov The musical

_**(AN// Beware the atrocious spelling starts soon. We are writing to the best of our ability for we are doing the bad spelling on purpose as part of the joke. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.)**_

Jasper's pov:

I tried not to groan as Emmett got the wrong lyric for the seventh time. He is making me star in his musical along side Rosalie and Carlisle but right now... I'm here on my own. The others are "busy". He's decided on 'The Sound of Music', vampire style.. He is changing it himself. Yippee…

(Emmett sings:

"Dow a dear a tasty dear. Ray a drop of scarlet bloood. Me a name they call myself. Car the fastest way to driiiive! Po a red telly tubby, La my very lovely voice, Tea an irritable grizzly bear, that'll fling--")

"Emmett it's 'bring'. Bring not fling."

"I am making this. Does u dare to corect tha writteer?"

"Okay dude. What ever you say..."

(Emmett sings:

"An… CONTINUE! That'll fling us baaaaaaaaaaaack to do oh, oh, oh, oh, ooooooh! (The tasty snack)" )

Now Emmett has finished his song. It's my turn to rehearse my song. Please. Kill. Me. Oh, right I'm dead already...

"Go my Jazzy pants it's your turn to sparkle"

"Right Em..."

(Jasper sings:

"High on a hill was a tasty bear pack Layee-odle-layee-odle-layee-eeeh-oooh. Loud was the growl of the tasty bear pack layee-odle-layee-odle-oh. Lay, oh, layee-odle-lay-oh, lay-oh-layee-odle-ley---------")

"CUT. MY TURN NOW. Anyway you did that rong.."

This was what I would be doing for another 3 hours today, but I won't make you endure any more.


	8. Empov The musical

Emmett's pov.

"CUT! MY TURN NOW." Jasper is doing it completely wrong. What a loozer. Teehee... Oh hold on its Rose first. I go and fetch Rosalie to do her bit of our song "18 going on 18"

(Rosalie sings:

"You wait little boy on an empty field. After fighting a be-ar. Your life little boy, is about to end. For writing this stupid play-ay")

"CUT. The line is 'but I am about to save you' Not 'for writing this stupid play-ay"

"Fine, fine."

(Rosalie sings:

"Your life little boy, is about to end, but I am about to save you")

(Emmett sings:

"Toooooo save me")

(Rosalie sings:

You are 18 going on 18, baby it's time to think.

Learn your spelling and lots of your counting, baby your on the blink.

You are 18 going on 18, women will fall in line.

Eager young fanpires, Old ones that are liars baby you only miiiiiiiiiiiine!

Totally unprepared are you, to face a world of death.

Timid and shy and scared are you of the wolfy guy named Seth.

You need someone older and wiser telling you what to do. I am 18 going on 18. Bay-beeee, its meeeee-eeeee and youuuuuuuuu!

(Emmett sings:

"I am 18 going on 18 I know that I'm naive.

Fellows I meet may tell me I'm sweet and willingly I believe.

I am 18 going on 18, innocent as my rose.

Oldies and young ones brunettes and red blondes what do I know of those.

Totally unprepared am I, to face a world of strength.

Timid and scared and shy am of things beyond my… length.

I need someone older like Rosalie.. Telling me what to do.. You are 18 going on 18 I'lllll depe-end on youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!.)

_**(AN// Do you pity them? We do. Well actually we'd find it rather amusing but I'm sure 'Jazzy pants' and Rose don't. Please review. Thanks. We will update straight away after a few more reviews.)**_


	9. Edward's Journal

Edward's pov.

Edward's arctic journal-

Day 1- I have searched the whole of Alaska... Alice is no where to be found. Damn you Rosalie. Damn you to hell.

Day 2- I am running to 'England's shopping centre'. I am going to get that short sister of mine where she won't see it coming...

Day 3- She's no where in England. I thought she would be shopping in London but I'm now going back to Forks... Watch out pixie-devil.

Day 4- Sources tell me that Alice is in the house. I won't go back yet I have a plan... Hahaha!


	10. I want a favour!

Meanwhile when Edward is still 'away'-

VIM

(HumanMinute online)

(Emmie-Bear! online)

HumanMinute: Hey Emmett, can I ask you a favour *smiles sweetly*

Emmie-Bear: Sure you can Belzie

HumanMinute: Ok, I'm doing a science project on.........um venom I mean saliva, an I would like to test yours. Could you please spit in thins syringe......I mean cup!

Emmie-Bear: Ok! That sounds fun.. I'm glad you chose my spit Bella because, betwenn you and me, I am the best vapiyre out of every one so my spit is the best for your progect... ;)

HumanMinute: Sure it is... Riight. Okay I'll be around in a minute. You close your eyes when I do the experiment and if Edward asks... Say... Leah did it.

Emmie-Bear!: Oaky Dokie Cya soon Bella.

(HumanMinute offline)

(ChillPill online)

ChillPill: Hello Emmett, what are you doing?

Emmie-Bear!: I'm takking a brek from the productshun 2 do a science thing wiv Bells!

ChillPill: Maybe you should do an English thing first... By the way, what type of science project..?

Emmie-Bear!: Well, she sed she's needing sum of my spit to test it... YEAH that's what she said she said 'Emmett could you please spit into this syringe.... I mean cup and if Edward asks, Leah did it'

ChillPill: *sighs* Edward, Edward, Edward... I told him she'd get her way....

Emmie-Bear!: Oooh she's hear betta go.

ChillPill: NO! WAIT! EMMETT!

(Emmie-Bear! offline)

ChillPill: And I always thought he was far too over protective.


	11. SPIT!

Emmett's pov

"Hi Bella what do I need to do again?"

"Hi Emmett just spit into this seri...cup"

"Okay pokay," I take what Bella is handing me… It's a funny type of cup… I wonder how you drink out of it anyway I spit into it. " Here you go Belzy."

"Thank you Emmett. Now remember close your eyes and don't peek okay?"

I do as Bella says. I can't see a thing. Who turned out the light?

_**(AN// Please review, we would love to hear what you have to say and if we get a total of 10 reviews we will add another chapter!)**_


	12. To the rescueeeee!

Alice's pov.

Still hiding from Edward in the garage… I can't believe he hasn't found me... I always hide here when we play hide and seek.. --- ... I can see Bella. As a vampire... Only she doesn't look normal... Emmett is beside here looking goofy with his eyes closed...---

What the heck did all that mean... Oh well better tell Carlisle.

Ring, ring.. My phone is ringing...

"JASPY!!"

"Alice, Emmett is changing Bella into one of us... We have to stop them!!!!!!"

"Okay Jaspy. To the rescueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I slam my phone down and run up into Emmett's room. Screw hiding! We have to save Bella.


	13. Jpov To the rescueeeee!

Jasper's pov.

"Okay Jaspy. To the rescueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" shouted my darling wife. In a split second we were in Emmett's room we found Emmett sat on his sofa with his hands over his eyes and Bella writhing on the floor in agony. She let out a piercing scream.

"OW MY HEAD IT'S BURNING..."

_**(AN// Sorry this one is so short!! And yes, we know we updated with out ten reviews but we wanted to. Please review anyways!)**_


	14. Ketchup Attack!

Edward's pov.

Tying the bucket of tomato ketchup to the top of our garage door was not easy. Twice it spilled onto me but on the third time I managed.-

Someone let out a piercing scream. I recognised the voice... MY LOVE, MY LIFE, MY BELLA!!!!!!

In a flash I was at the scene. Jasper and Alice were crouched by Bella and Emmett was sat on his sofa covering his eyes with his hands.

"What the hell have you done to her" I screamed at Emmett after reading Jaspers mind.

"Move you two" I gestured to Alice and Jasper.

Oh No... Oh No, No, No, No, No...

"Kill me now.. Anything but the burning.. It hurts." Bella's face was pale.

"I'm going to make it go away Bella, I'm going to make it stop."

"Too late!" Alice's pixie face popped out in front of me. "Five, four, three, two, one."

"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhh" Bella screamed once and then there was silence. Well almost silence. Emmett was still singing to himself.

_**(AN// Hahaha! Ketchup attack!)**_


	15. ahahARGHHH!

Emmett's pov.

I kept my eyes tite shut like Bell told me 2. I then dessided to sing a song that I thought was approperiate for the ocazion. I think it heard it that one time I went to church…

My song:

I closed my eyes.

Drew back the curtain. (Ah-ah-ahhh)

To see for certain (ah-ahhh)

What I thought I knew

Far, far away (Far, Far away)

Bella was screaming (AH-AH-ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!)

My ears were bleeding! (ah-ahhhhh)

Any dream will do. (Any dream will do)

_**(AN//Come on! You've got to love Emmett! And we love to hear what you think. Sorry again this one is very short! Thanks for reading guys!)**_


	16. Burn Baby Burn!

Bella's pov.

It took a lot of courage to inject my self. I thought I would faint. I almost did but I kept myself calm, I didn't want Emmett making too much noise and I certainly didn't want Jasper to pick up some sort of panic vibe in the air. I did it. The venom was excruciating. I felt like I had been thrown into the fires of hell, my head was burning so bad... But hold on.. I... Feel.. A.. song coming!!!

"Burn baby burn! Disco Inferno! Burn baby burn alright!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Wow! I can't normally sing. My head feels very odd. My brain is getting sl-o-we-r

I opened my eyes and saw the shocked faces of my Edwad, My Ali-palli, My Jazpur, And... AND MY EMMIE!

"YO EMMIE MY BRO... WE ARE LIKE SPIT SIBLINGS NOW."

I laffed at my own joke. But nobody else did. Losers!

"Oh lord. The Emmett spit has infected her brain.. She's got:

Distol Uranium Masticular Bi Acetone Systonic Shit. Also known as... DUMBASS... No we have to get Carlisle. This disease gets worse the longer you've had it so Bella should recover."

_**(AN// we quoted that dumbass thing from the talented Ryan Higa who is on YouTube, he is very hilarious. Watch his videos if you'd like to know what we are babbling on about)**_

Oh man! Eddie dropped an s-bomb? And Eddie said dumb arse? I giggled hysterically.

"My Eddie swore? I can't believe you swore. Actually you should more often it's sexy!"

"Bella you're head isn't on right. You're confused."

"HEY! I just complymentid you and you insult me?"

Emmett was still singing and Jasper told him to shut up. They were all being unhappy and moody.

"See you guys I'm going on VIM. Hold on that's like VIM-TO hahaha... Byeees."

I left the unhappy-making people in there misery room.

_**(AN//We hope you enjoyed that bit. It will get funnier again. Thanks for the reviews so far! Love Veggie-Vampire-Sisters)**_


	17. Watch Out Mr Punch Bag!

VIM.

(HumanMinute has changed her name to Bellie-Bear!)

(Bellie-Bear! online)

(Emmie-Bear! online)

(PixieChixie online)

PixieChixie: Oh Lord...

Emmie-Bear!: Yo yo yo! Wazzup lil' sis?

Bellie-Bear!: =( Hi Emminster. I'm sad.

Emmie-Bear!: You lost a bet?

Bellie-Bear!: No. Worse.

Emmie-Bear!: Dun. Dun. Daaaaaaaaaaaaah. What?

Bellie-Bear!: Well. Jazzy-la beat me in a wrestle..

Emmie-Bear!: Dun. Dun. Daaaaaaaaaaaaah. NOT JAZZY-LA!

Emmie-Bear!: Let's train you up. PUNCH BAG HERE WEEE COMMEEEEEEEEEEEE! Watch out Mr punch bag. Bellie-Bear is on her wayyyyyyyyyyyy!

PixieChixie: Here we go...

Bellie-Bear: OKAY! CYA SOON EMMIE BEAR. Bye Ali-Palli!

(Bellie-Bear! offline)

(Emmie-Bear! offline)

PixieChixie: Great. So now I'm alone. I have lost my best friend. For Now. ='(

PixieChixie: Lonely... I am so lonely... I have nobody... All on my oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooown--- Oops I didn't just sing.. The Emmett disease must be catching on. Arrrrrrrrghhh. I have to get Carlisle…

(PixieChixie offline)

**_(AN// We would love to hear what you think of our chapters in a review. Also if you have particular characters who you would like to be in our next story then msg us or send us a review about which characters they are! Thanks,, Veggie-Vampire-Sisters)_**


	18. THE WALL RAN AT ME

Bella's pov.

I tried to go to tha Cullies howse tha normal way. But tha door was LOCCED! So, I had to clime up tha side of tha howse. First I took my shoes of. Then I jumpted at the walllll but then tha walllll ran at me, welll it seeeeemed like that coz tha walllll got closa eventualllely I bumpted into da walllll an there waz a lowd crash I endedded up in da Cullies kitchen where I founded Esme, Carlilse, Ali-palli an Edddy-teddy sat on da sofa lokkkin at me. Suddeenlie I feeled guilty.

"IT WASN'T ME. THA WALLLLL RAN AT ME!" I shouteded loudily.

Eddie-teddie mufflied a laf. And Ali-palli shucks her hed.

"No love, you ran at the wall which meant the wall got closer to you and because you have some of Emmett in your system right now, you were harder than the wall which meant the wall broke."

Edwid was trying to speek 2 me in Chinese.....

"HUH???" Was all that I could sey to him. Ali-palli then turned at me.

"Bella, what he is trying to say is that you ran through the wall. Okay, you ran through the wall."

"HUH???" Still not understand ding watt thay R trying two sey.

**_(AN// 5 reviews = update)_**


	19. I want my best friend back :

Alice's pov.

I signed off VIM to get Carlisle. I found him sitting in the kitchen, round the table with Edward and Esme.

"CARLISLE," I yelled as I ran towards him, "Bella is an Emmet!"

"I know. Me, Esme and Edward were just discussing that matter honey."

"But you don't understand. It's catching. I was SINGING a minute ago... It's scary!"

Carlisle began to reply but before he could speak properly Bella burst through the wall, bringing with her a lot of broken glass and brick.

"IT WASN'T ME. THE WALL RAN AT ME" She shouted.

Edward muffled a laugh and began trying to explain what just happened while I stared. Bella seemed unable to understand Edward so I chipped in, explaining in an extremely simple way.

But it's so unfair! I want my best friend back. I don't want two Emmett's. Bella is turning thicker by the minute. Who can I have a girly conversation with now? Ugh!

_**(AN// Thanks for the lovely reviews, keep sending them, we love to hear your thoughts. Will be updating soon and are writing another piece at the moment. Love the Veggie-Vampire-Sisters)**_


	20. MY WALL!

Esme's pov.

I was listening in to Carlisle and Edward talking. It seemed that Bella would be better in a few days, which I was glad of because I knew that Bella would eventually be one of my daughters and I cared about her as much as my other children. Alice came running in and broke the silence by shouting something else about the 'Emmett disease' but I got distracted by looking at my freshly painted wall and didn't hear what she said. Suddenly there was a loud crash as Bella burst through our wall! I was too shocked to hear what Alice and Edward were trying to tell Bella. All I could let out after a few minutes of complete shock was "MY WALL!" I wasn't annoyed with Bella, it wasn't her fault but then again maybe it was, she bribed Emmett for this after all. Well it should only take a day to rebuild it. I'll get started.

_**(AN// Again, sorry about the length. We'll put the next chapter up straight away to make up for it!)**_


	21. Reassured

Carlisle's pov.

I was talking with my son and wife about Bella. They were both very worried about her but I had been doing some research and I was about to reassure them that Bella would be perfectly healthy by tomorrow and the spit would have worked it's way out of her system.

"I think that it'll ware off by tomorrow I've been doing some serious research."

"I hope she's okay." Esme frowned.

"I hope you're right. I can't stand my Bella being idiotic." Edward said rather loudly.

Just then Alice rushed in yelling.

"CARLISLE, Bella is an Emmett."

I sighed, she knew that I knew that Bella was an Emmett.

"Alice, I know me and Edward were just discussing that matter."

"But you don't understand, it's catching" She yelled again nearly deafening me because the high pitch of her voice. I was about to say that that was impossible but a loud crash cut me off.


	22. I'm BORED Chip

Emmett's pov.

I was sat in my room waiting for Bella to arive singig in my head whyy are we waiieting weeeeee are sufficatting why aree we waaaaaiiting, IM GETTING BORED. I waz getting BORED so I looked over at tha gold-fishy I had just bort. His name was chip. He was thee bestest fishy eva! Chip was looking a bit tiredy tho so I fought I'd sing to him.

"Juuuuust keep swimmin, just keep swimmin, just keep swimmin, swimmin, swimmin, and swimmin." After that I decided that I would try bellies experiment on Chip. I spat into a cup and then poured it into Chips fishy bowl... I thort that he wud no what to do wiv it. He wood be a vampiery fishy soon. But *sniff sniff* he died boohoo. He juzzed flowted to thee surfaze of thee fishy bowl.

I herd a crash.

"BELLIE-BEAR!"

_**(AN//poor Chip, poor Emmet! Ps. The story will get funnier in the next couple of chapters… we think the next bit is funnier anyway!!)**_


	23. UGH!

_**(AN// Bella went with Emmett to train. When she got back to her house she felt all her strength leave her body. She collapsed in a heap on her bed. In the morning she had an extremely high temperature and a bad headache.)**_

VIM

(Bellie-Bear! online)

(Deep-Thinker online)

Deep-Thinker: Bella love… Is that you?

(Bellie-Bear! has changed her name to HumanMinute)

(HumanMinute has changed her status to- Headache!)

Deep-Thinker: You have a head ache? Carlisle will have a cure for that. Come over. I haven't seen the real you for two whole days Bella.

HumanMinute: Ugh. I feel hung over I can't drive through the forest.

Deep-Thinker: I'll come and pick you up.

HumanMinute: But Emmett will be singing! Everyone will be making noise… =(

Deep-Thinker: Everyone wants to see you… Alice especially.

HumanMinute: Rosalie doesn't want to see me.

Deep-Thinker: Bella… Please I've missed you.

HumanMinute: Ugh. Fine come over then.

Deep-Thinker: Okay see you soon.

(Deep-Thinker offline)

(PixieChixie online)

PixieChixie: BELLA!

HumanMinute: Ugh… Not so loud Alice.

PixieChixie: I CAN'T HELP BEING EXCITED! YOU'RE BACK…

PixieChixie: ANYWAY I'M TYPING IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE WHETHER IT'S CAPITALS.

HumanMinute: Hmm. But it implies that if you were speaking you would be shouting. And I don't like to imagine that. *shivers*

PixieChixie: Pftt! I can't believe you did that to me Bella. I nearly died from not having a best friend.

HumanMinute: You _are_ dead.

PixieChixie: … we're having a welcome back Bella party! I'm gonna set up.

HumanMinute: UGH!

(PixieChixie offline)

(HumanMinute offline)


	24. Carlisle's marvelous? medicine

Bella's pov.

I signed out of VIM and flopped back down on my bed and closed my eyes. I don't know how long I had been lying there before I felt ice on my forehead. Edward. I kept my eyes shut but rolled over onto his chest. I hadn't realised that I had a temperature until now. The familiar feeling of his lips crushing mine made my heart speed up more than usual. He stopped.

"Edward my head hurts."

He placed his hands back on my forehead and then picked me up. I didn't complain. It just felt nice to have him back, and have my brain back, even if it was frazzled. I felt him jump out onto the ground, still carrying me, and my stomach churned. Then I felt the cool rain bucketing down on us. I was surprised that it didn't evaporate off me.

"We'll get your car wet though…" I mumbled.

"We're not driving. Keep your eyes shut." He murmured.

I felt it get slightly cooler. That was nice. I assumed that the breeze was actually very cold but I still felt like an oven. Then it got hot again, and there wasn't any rain; inside.

"BELLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Gosh. Why did she have such a high voice? Why could it go _that _loud?

"Shush Alice, she's not well." Edward's voice soothed me.

"Pfftah!"

Edward carried me upstairs. I knew that we were in Carlisle's study now-it has a certain smell, all the old books I think, but there was something else today as well… something unpleasant-

"Is it ready?"

"Yes… I think it will work. Hand her to me."

I felt myself being handed from one pair of frozen hands to another and the discusting smell got worse. Ugh.

"Edward… what is _that_?_"_

My sweet angel did not reply instead Carlisle did.

"_That! _Is my concoction of curing remedy potion!"

_Curing Remedy Potion?_

"But Carlisle," I whined, "I am just fine without it. I'm better, look!"

"That my dear Bella, is the disease talking, but don't worry, we'll have you better ever so soon." Carlisle continued to disagree with me.

"Bella," the velvet honey of my lover's voice sounded, "just have a sip and then we can be sure that you're okay."

I was shocked that even Edward didn't realise I was better. I opened my eyes to find myself propped up next to a… cauldron, on Carlisle's desk. The cauldron was bubbling and it reeked! It smelt as bad as… as bad as the time that Charlie and Renee tried to bake me a birthday cake out of gone off milk-they didn't realise it was off-, bread flour, bi-carbonate of chicken _**(AN// This is an Ivor Cutler reference that one of us wanted to put in)**_, and icing sugar. In fact, it smelt far worse than that.

"Just one sip and you will be back to normal." Carlisle smiled.

I blinked. They want me to DRINK that?! Okay get ready to run… 1, 2, 3!

Before I could get off the desk two pairs of icy hands grabbed me. I sighed, knowing I couldn't get out of this. I wouldn't go down without a fight though. I pressed my lips together.

"Oh Bella, come on."

I shook my head, not wanting to open my mouth. Carlisle got a ladle out of his _handbag? What is the world coming to… _and scooped a large spoonful. My lips were prised apart by Edward who gave me an 'it's for your own good' look and then Carlisle did that aeroplane thing with the spoon-like making it zoom into my mouth-and I tasted the medicine…

"Oh-

_**(AN// Review = update… don't you want to know what Carlisle is about to say?? *Smiles innocently* we know this is an annoying point to stop the chapter but we are annoying… love you all =D)**_


	25. Oh dear

Edward's pov.

I held Bella's mouth open and Carlisle poured the curing remedy potion into it. She spluttered, coughed and then fainted.

"Oh dear…" Carlisle said.

_Oh dear? Oh dear?_

I hissed "Carlisle what have you done? You made her FAINT!"

Bella's eyelids flickered, opened and then she sat up.

"Actually Edward I did not faint, I passed out for 7.35 seconds."

Bella just corrected ME?

"Oh dear oh dear…" Carlisle said.

"Carlisle, would you like to explain to me what you've done?"

"Hmm, well, she used to be dumbass and now she's smarticle…"

Bella cleared her throat. "I am afraid that smarticle is not a word my poor uneducated Carlisle."

I can't believe she just said that. Carlisle growled, he is very proud of being smart and hates being corrected.

"This is your fault Carlisle." I reminded him.

"I know." He whimpered and then fell to the floor and curled up in a ball.

"Really Carlisle, you are old enough not to get so affected when you find someone better than yourself." Bella said and then walked out of the room with her nose in the air. Carlisle moaned and I followed Bella out of Carlisle's office.

"Bella, are you okay?" I asked concerned.

"Yes my darling Eddie, I am perfectly smashing now, why don't you go and play with Jasper." Bella patted my head and then turned to go. I followed Carlisle's example and whimpered on the floor.


	26. The Brain Box

Alice's pov.

I started to decorate the room for the party but stopped when Bella called me.

"Allie, I have something much better to do than come to your party, and I'd like you to help me with my latest experimental study."

_WHAT did she just say? Oh well I should go and see what she wants._

I found Bella standing in the kitchen. She had these wires in her hands.

"Now Alice lets be simple about this, sit down and attach these to your head."

"What? Are you alright Bella?"

Bella glared at me. "Yes Alice I am perfectly smashing thanks, now if you don't put these on your head I will tell Emmett to decorate your Porsche."

I panicked, ran forward and attached the wires to my head. Bella started to fiddle with god knows what and a tiny screen came up. On the screen was a picture of my brain.

Jasper walked in, I started signalling with my hands for him to go away but Bella saw him and dragged him into the chair next to me. I had a vision of Bella writing things down on a note pad. The vision ended and I looked at the screen. My vision was playing on the screen.

"Very good Alice, your turn Japer!" Bella chirped.

"What the hell Bella how did you do that?"

Bella didn't answer Jasper's question, instead she tapped her nose and winked. I grimaced.

"Now Jasper, I want you to try and control the emotions in this room."


	27. Naughty Step'

Jaspers pov.

Bella told me to try and control the emotions in this room. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. I tried to make everybody 'un-crazy' and the word normal came up on my half of the screen.

"Well Jasper," Bella frowned at me solemnly, "I don't think it's very nice, making out that me and Alice aren't sane… go and sit on the naughty step if you'd please."

I raised my eyebrows, wondering where 'the naughty step' was and Alice giggled.

Bella turned to face her.

"Is something troubling you?" She asked her.

I started to laugh and then changed it into a cough. Bella turned back to me.

"I think that it was a bad idea of mine to allow you two into the same space… you seem to be encouraging each other come with me Jasper."

Bella grabbed my hand. I assumed that she was trying to pull me to the naughty step and I played along. "Now, you sit here until you think you have matured enough to behave, and when you think you have, you can come back and apologise to me and Alice for disrupting the experiment." Bella looked at me sternly, wagged her finger and turned to go.

I tapped on the banister until she was out of sight and then I stood u-

"I SAID you sit there until you think you have matured enough to behave." Bella shouted from the other room. How did she know? Oh right she saw Alice's vision… this was going to be one long day.

_**(AN// Because, as you know there are two of us, from now on if only one of us is replying to a review we will say it is either from S or J)**_


	28. Rules

Bella's pov.

These two really were miss-behaving. I won't take too kindly to it if Jasper tries to get off the naughty step again. I wait for another minute and then when Jasper doesn't move, I go back into the other room. On Alice's screen there is vision of Alice giving me a make-over. I give her the evil eye. I sit fiddling with the monitor by the screen until it shows up brighter and then I sit and watch.

"Bella, can I go now?"

"What do you say?"

Alice looked at me blankly. Dear lord, I do believe that these children are missing a few manners.

"Can I go now please?" She said I nodded swiftly and she pulled the wires off her head. I dismantled the screen and put it in a safe place underneath the kitchen table. Just then Emmett walked in.

"YO! MY SISTAH!"

I stared at the unruly child. _He _certainly needed some lessons on etiquette. He came round the table and offered me a high five.

"Emmett you will go and join Jasper on the naughty step for that loud unruly behaviour."

He dropped his hand and looked down sniffling, and then he went to the naughty step like I had told him to. _Now _it was quiet. I pulled a piece of paper from my jacket pocket _**(AN from S// Jean Claude Jaquettie with his jacket on-I hope some of you have seen that episode of the mighty boosh, otherwise nobody will understand what I am on about…) **_and started to write neatly in fountain pen. I wrote down some new rules for the manner class I was about to give these children:

No loud noises in class.

You shall all call me Her Majesty, Queen Swan.

You shall wear your uniform from 8:00 to 3:00 and you shan't remove your ties or your jumpers without permission.

You shall not speak during class unless I give you permission.

You shall have your shirts tucked in.

You shall put your hand up when you want to answer a question.

If any of these rules are broken, there will be penalties…

I finished and then pinned the note up on the wall. Then I went back up to Carlisle's room. I passed Edward who was still on the floor whimpering.

"What is the matter Eddie? Oh I know what it is, you're bored because Jasper is on the naughty step aren't you dear," I pause to pat his head and then continue, "Well I have something very good for you to do!" I looked at him enthusiastically. "You can be the class room monitor, go and watch to see if your brothers and sisters are behaving and if they aren't you come straight up and tell me." I pushed him away down the stairs and continued on my way to Carlisle's room. He was still on the floor and I shoved him before going to sit down on his chair.

"Now I have some issues to discuss with you about your children and their lack of manners…"

_**(AN// Okay that wasn't very funny… or was it? I don't know because I'm very tired, so sorry if it's not at all humorous but the next bits will be. Okay so I'd like you guys to tell me in a review whether the next chapter should be I.M or full paragraphs, as soon as you tell me I will update! Yours truly S.) **_


	29. NOT UNIFORM! no,

_**(AN// Since nobody has told me which type of chapter they would like I will do paragraphs for a bit, hope you don't mind =D)**_

Carlisle's pov.

Bella strode in looking confident. What have I done, what have I done. I sigh.

"Now I have some issues to discuss with you about your children and their lack of manners…" she told me, eying me coldly, "I believe that they need a training course, and since I am not only the most intellectual person but also the best suited to teaching your children I will do it."

I put my hands on my head cursing. Lord help me find the solution please, I begged.

"Now the price will be $50 per pupil and we shall start on Monday." With that Bella walked out. I needed the cure quick.

Alice rushed in looking nervous.

"Carlisle," she said, "I need you to sort out a cure… I have invited people to my party and they can't see Bella like this _and _she is going to try to make me wear a UNIFORM! I CAN'T DO THAT CARLISLE I JUST CAN'T!

I snapped my head up. We were going to cure Bella.


	30. Reverse, backward!

Edwards pov.

I would just lie here forever. It was like as if Bella didn't want me anymore and I couldn't bear it…

"Pst Edward!" Alice said from somewhere beside me.

"Mmmh?"

"Go and get everyone… except Emmett, we need their help on the cure."

Immediately my eyes snapped open and I went to get them all. We sat around Carlisle's desk and he explained.

"This should be sure to work, if we just reverse the whole curing remedy potion we will get Bella back. I think."

We all grinned at one and other madly and started about our business. Alice began to write out the reverse recipe while me and Jasper set about getting the equipment. Carlisle was writing out his spell backwards and spoonerising it and Rosalie hadn't wanted to come without Emmett being allowed to so we left her. First me and Jasper turned all the equipment so it was facing the opposite way than it had been facing and then we bent the fork and the spoon heads back. We also turned the cauldron inside out and upside down. The equipment was ready!

_**(AN// Hope you like this, posting the next bit-which is even sillier-straight away. Always love your reviews, thank you.)**_


	31. Oui Chef!

Alices pov.

I eagerly started to write a list of what was needed. I changed everything the opposite... I think I did anyways! XD

Before///Now:

Sea salt///Land pepper…

Melted ice cubes///Condensed fire circles…

Acidic foods/// Alkaline drinks…

Pinch of deadly night shade///Flick of lively day light…

Bit of kit-Kat///Bit of tick-dog… (I'm a-coming for ya Jacob)

Ancient blueberries///Modern orange berries.

Natural essential oils///Artificial inessential waters.

Poor quality apple juice///Rich quality banana powder.

Nicotine///Niquittine

Cheap biscuits///Expensive crackers

Dirt from the ground///Clean from the sky.

Dried meats///Moistened vegetables.

Full jar of chilly///Empty jar of warm.

Now that I had written these I was on my way to the supermarket. I parked my Porsche and then went inside with my list. I spotted a shop assistant and darted over to him.

"Could you help me find these items please?" I asked him.

"Yes of course."

I handed him the list and his eyes boggled out of his head. He looked at me suspiciously and I gestured for him to find whichever he could. He kept looking at the items and shaking his head but he did his best.

When I arrived back at the Cullen house I had two trolleys full of shopping, Edward high fived me and I leapt into Jaspers arms.

"We still need condensed fire circles, flick of lively day light, tick from dog, and an empty jar of warm." I told them.

They ran off to collect the last ingredients and I prepared the things that we had. I popped on a chef hat and then I decided that the alkaline drinks weren't alkaline enough so I mixed some toothpaste into them and then I boiled the vegetables to make them moist. Then I mixed them into the inside out upside down cauldron. After those were inside in went all of the land pepper. Then since I didn't have the condensed fire circles I added the alkaline drinks… they mixed with the pepper and other things to form a nice paste in the bottom. Then I spotted some day light coming through the window… I snuck up on it and flicked it in the direction of the pan. The supermarket guy had given me oranges instead of orange berries… they would have to do. I crushed them, rind and all in with everything else then poured the artificial water in. The guy had also made the mistaken of giving me normal banana so I squeezed all the moisture out of them and crumbled them into the mix. I put the niquitine squares in whole and then threw in the packet of expensive crackersthen the boys returned and I added their ingredients and almost everything was done!

_**(AN//Hope you enjoyed that silliness, I enjoyed writing it anyway =) )**_


	32. The Cullen's have a plan!

VIM

(ChillPill online)

(PixieChixie online)

(Deep-Thinker online)

(Dr-V-Pire online)

Dr-V-Pire: So we have the ingredients ready my children?

PixieChixie: Yes I cooked them myself. =D

Deep-Thinker: Yes we have got everything we need to bring her back.

ChillPill: Can't we have a little bit of fun before we change her back… video tape her at least.

PixieChixie: Oh Yeah! Great idea Jazzy pants, great idea.

ChillPill: I didn't think of anything.

PixieChixie: Edward you saw it… go and get 'the stuff 2'

Deep-Thinker: I don't know if I can agree to this.

PixieChixie: Come on Mr Grumpy Pants!

Dr-V-Pire: Yes Edward loosen up.

ChillPill: Just Chillax dude! We need to get her back, she's being a snob.

Deep-Thinker: Okay just this once…

PixieChixie: YAY! Love you Eddie!

ChillPill: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

(Deep-Thinker offline)

PixieChixie: Just relax Jasper. You will always be my one and only Jazzy-Pants!

(ChillPill offline)

(PixieChixie offline)

(Dr-V-Pire offline)


	33. Just an Authors Note SORRY!

(AN// Sorry that it's taking so long for us to update, but generally we only see each other on Tuesdays and we normally update on S's computer!! We are on J's today so we will update next time probably!

We are going to start another funny one today, feel free to read it if your want!

=) )


	34. THE PRANK PLAN

EPOV

We were all sat round Carlisle's desk thinking of a cure for Bella well I was, the only thing on the other's minds was the prank we were going to play on her which I was totally against.

"I've got it" Alice called out "we can video her being all strict and stuff and then put it on you tube"

" And we could picture shop it to make her look like crueller de ville and we could dress up as puppies" Jasper chipped in.

APOV

I had it we could film Bella teaching us and post it on you tube and maybe BeBo and Facebook!! I think Edward heard me thinking that and shot me an 'I think that's going a little bit to far look' I didn't think so if she gonna make me wear a uniform I'm gonna do my worst

**Sorry this one is short but I'm going to post another one straight away to make up for it!! Plz R&R**


	35. NOT UNIFORM NOOOOOOO

BPOV

I had just finished setting up my new classroom it's in Edwardo's room if he doesn't sleep I don't think he needs a room that badly.

"Alice, Edward, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett" I shouted…………..what was taking them sooo long I shouted them again. Then Edward came into the room wearing his uniform: (my uniform)

Mint green shirt

Blue tank top

Blue blazer

Blue tie

Blue trousers

Black shoes

APOV

I saw the time on my watch it said 8:40 am _oh well I best get ready for school_ I trudged up to my room and found a plastic bag on my bead with a note attached to it saying** Alice in this bag is your uni-form please wear to school every day from her majesty, queen swan. Xxxxxxx.**

**P.S if your uniform is not worn you will be suspended for two days!!**

"Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh" I screamed and in a split second jasper was next to me

"Alice what's wrong what did you see?"

"I saw nothing it's just Bella sorry queen swan wants to make me wear a uni… a uni.."

"A uni what Alice just spit it out!"

"A uni-form" I whispered

"Come on it's not that bad I have to wear one too look" jasper said as he pointed to himself

"Ahhhhhh you look hideous" I wailed

"HEY I actually quite like it"

"Who are you and what have you done with my emo jazzy pants"

Drrinng Drrinng

Since when have we had a school bell oh well

"Come on let's go to the torture chamber" jasper said as he dragged me behind in my DISSCUSTING uniform he forced me into.


	36. the naughty corner

Bpov

"Good morning class" I said to my five and only pupils

"_I really should find some new students, maybe the Volturi would be interested in joining Vamp high"_ I thought

"Good morning Bella" they all groaned back at me. Well they need their manners fixing that can be today's first lesson!

"How did I tell you to address me and no shouting out" I questioned them, then my worst student put his hand up

"Yes Emmett"

"You told us to call you her majesty queen swan" he told me

"Very good Emmett extra gold stars for you"

"YAY I love you queen swan"

"No shouting out in class" I scolded him. Just then I saw the most atrocious thing I had ever seen apart from Carlisle whimpering on the floor Alice had taken her jumper and tie off without asking me!

"ALICE CULLEN"

"yes queen swan"

"stand in the naughty corner"

"why"

"where is your jumper?"

"oh right"

APOV

While Bella…. Queen Swan was busy talking to Emmett I thought I would break the rules and provoke her I mean what can she do to a vampire!!!! So I decided to take my jumper and tie off without asking her(REBEL)se went crazy.

"ALICE CULLEN"

"yes queen swan"

"go and stand in the naughty corner"

"but why *smiles sweetly*"

"where is your jumper?"

"oh right" I replied I got up and went to stand in the corner

"now class today's subject is manners"


	37. out of the naughty corner

EPOV

"Now class today's lesson is manners" Bella told us _ what has happened to her she's like a monster from the deep!! _Jasper thought I couldn't help but laugh at that she really had become a monster. Bella wasn't in the greatest of moods now since Alice had been sent to the naughty corner so I decided to be a goodie goodie for this lesson just until se lightens up!

APOV

It's been two hours now and I still haven't been told to sit down again just then Bella said "Right Alice I think you've learnt your lesson so go and sit down"

"can every one please get out their laptops we are going to do some research" Bella was so stupid didn't she know that as soon you put a computer in-front of us we will log on to VIM!!!

**Sorry for the length but in the next chapter VIM is welcomed back!!! **

**Plz R&R we love you all **

**From J**


	38. VIM is back!

VIM

(PixieChixie online)

(Emmie-Bear online)

(Deep-Thinker online)

(ChillPill online)

(Roses-R-Red online)

PixieChixie: HEY HEY GUYS

Emmie-Bear: I don't think we should be doing this

ChillPill: why?

Deep-Thinker: is litte Emmie-Bear scared

Emmie-Bear: …………………Yes!!

Roses-R-Red: Awwwwwwwww

Deep-Thinker: I see Emmett's point if she catches us were toast!

ChillPill: Guys we really shouldn't be scared of a little human like Bella

PixieChixie: *having vision*

ChillPill: Alice what did you see

PixieChixie: *end of vision* I just saw Bella asking the…the….

Roses-R-Red: what Alice just tell us

PixieChixie: the …..*gulp* Volturi to join 'Vamp High'

Deep-Thinker: And what did they say????

PixieChixie: …….yes!!!!!!!!! they 're coming tomorrow and she's already sent them uniform

ChillPill:well at least we'll get to see them look stupid for once

Emmie-Bear: guys log out Bel…Queen swan is on her way!!!

PixieChixie: Thanks Emmett!!

(PixieChixie offline)

Deep-Thinker: Thankyou!

(Deep-Thinker offline)

Roses-R-Red: thanks hunnii!

(Roses-R-Red offline)

ChillPill: ta dude

(ChillPill offline)

Emmie-Bear: s kay

(Emmie-Bear offline)


	39. THEM! THEM! THEM!

_**(AN//Hey guys! Me and J are having to write the chapters separately at the moment until Tuesday so I thought I'd write this one! Love you all 3 From S)**_

_**(AN// Oh and I loved your last chapters J!!!)**_

Bpov.

I had told the children to get out their laptops and then I went out of the room to call these 'Volturi' and offer them the learning course.

I looked in Carlisle's address book and there was the name Volturi with an  underneath it. Carlisle should not be graffiti-ing his books! _Calm down Bella, keep calm you don't want to give the Volturi a bad impression._ Anyway I dialled the number and a secretary answered.

"Hello who is speaking please?" I heard her say.

"The names Swan… Queen Swan. I would like to talk to 'Aro'."

"Oh I'm sorry your Majesty… I had no idea I was speaking to you, I-I'll just get Aro."

Finally! someone who understands my importance… even if she's only a lowly peasant. I was put on hold and an irritating song came on and then there was a deep voice.

"Buon giorno."

"Ah I'm afraid you have a lot of work to do on your English." I tutted.

"Oh you're American I just assumed… never mind" He said, whilst completely ignoring my question.

"Well yes, you are smart aren't you Aro? But I would like you to be smarticle instead of just smart, try this triple star vampire learning course. It's a five dollar value for just one-hundred and six dollars!"

"Uh… what?"

"Yes you heard it! you will find the classroom in the Cullen house, in Eduardo's room. I have sent your uniform."

"What and how do you know about vampi…"

And with that I put the phone down to get back to my pupils. I listened outside the door and I could hear each of their computers binging. The noise it makes on VIM… yes they were going to be in trouble if I caught them.

"AHA!" I said as I burst into the room.

I saw all of them hastily shutting their laptops.

"You dare to disobey… Me?" I whispered.

Emmett's lip trembled I turned to him.

Empov.

My lip trembled and Her Majesty turned to me.

"Something you want to tell me Emmett? You can tell me anything and you will get fifty gold stars if you tell me the truth."

Ah… CRACKERS what to do? Two little versions of me popped up on my shoulders.

"Pick the Gold Stars Emmie-Bear. You know you want them… they sparkle like Jazzy Pants does!" One of them said.

I decided to trust it and I flicked the other one off my shoulder.

"IT WASN'T ME IT WAS THEM IT WAS THEM! THEM! THEM! THEM!"

I spat the word 'them' for effect they all glared at me and then ran out of the room like a headless chicken.


	40. The End X X X X X

Sometime later…

Bpov

There was a loud rap on the door.

"Enter!" I shouted.

A strange looking man with milky red eyes and hippie hair floated in. Aro I guessed.

"Ah, greetings Aro, but I am afraid I will have to tell you to GO AND SIT ON THE NAUGHTY STEP," I smiled sweetly, "You are not wearing your uniform. We will have none of this gothic nonsense! Get that black cape off."

Aro glared at me and then Carlisle appeared at my side, looking nervous. I went into the classroom and waited for them. The rest of Aro's followers came in when the bell sounded. Alice ran inside.

"Alice, no running in the corridors. And what on earth are those shoes?" I raised my eyebrows, the shoes were most certainly not plain black.

"B-but Bella this is serious!" She whined, glaring at my new pupils.

"Yes I am perfectly serious, and I think you addressed me wrong just then."

Alice rolled her eyes and stormed out dragging Jasper with her by the ear. Aro walked in.

"Did I tell you to get off the naughty step or…" I began to say but his horrible glare stopped me, "Well I don't think that that was an appropriate face to make Aro!" I reprimanded him.

"How do you know about vampires?" He barked.

"Do not shout out young gentleman. I shall not answer you're question unless you put up your hand. Thank you very much."

Emmett skipped in.

"Arghhhhhhhh! Volturi! I swear it wasn't me Aro… don't take me away… it wasn't me who broke your china doll!" He screamed.

"Hush, hush Emmett or I shall have to deduct gold stars."

"What… NO! PLEASE NO!"

Emmett got down on one knee and his lip trembled.

"Don't take my stars away! Anything but my gold stars!"

"Well be quiet then."

"Yes my liege."

Emmett bowed, just then Edward ran in.

"Please Eduardo, no running in the corridor!"

Edward didn't answer instead he ignored me and looked at my new pupils.

"I'm sorry Aro; let me explain… she's not in her right mind."

He walked up and placed Aro's palm on his forehead.

"You see, I tell the truth." He said.

"Yes I see… in fact I like it so please calm down, I like this woman, she had discipline."

I frowned; it would not do to have a pupil talking about his teacher in this way. Edward growled.

"Okay Aro, so please leave, you have no reason to harm her."

"Oh but I do… she knows our secret."

"Okay, okay I'm sorry I admit it, I told her about your affair with Carlisle."

My mouth dropped open.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen! Go and sit on the naughty step. I will not tolerate bullying in my classroom."

He just walked over to me and got something out of his pocket. It smelt quite wonderful. He placed it in my mouth and I ate it.

"Yargle gargle 1.77245…. and the bunny went hop hop hop, all the way home. Argh what am I doing here. **Edward my angel…**"

"Go now Aro, we will turn her in time, so you have no reason to be here." Edward said.

"But I like your Bella." Aro said. I felt really nervous, this Aro person was like a stalker. I clung onto Edward and he growled.

"STAY AWAY FROM MY LAMB CHOP!" He roared. _Lamb Chop? _

"Fine…" Aro turned away and with that the classroom began to empty, all the Cullen's came through the door and we had a big hug.

Emmett cleared his throat.

Emmett Sings:

"_We'll meet again, don't know where don't know whennnnnnnnnnnnnnnn! But I know that we'll meet again some… sparkly day. So…_

_So long farewell from Jazzy pants and me-e,_

_We hate to say goodbye we shouldn't leave,_

_Dum diddle dum dum dah dah dah dum diddle dah dah dah._

_You shall not see the Bellie-Bear again,_

_**Unless you want us too write a sequel…**_

_Dum diddle dum dum dah dah dah dum diddle dah dah dah._

_Goodbye farewell, good bye from __**S + J**__, _

_Goodbye goodbye we cannot stay to play._

"Thank you, thank you, drive safe!" Emmett said, he had come to stand on the dining room table and for once we all clapped. I was so glad to be back. Edward hadn't changed me. But I know what I wan't, nobody is going to surrender-

"Who the HECK are S & J?" Edward said rather loudly.

"They the goddesses who made us funny, Edward." Carlisle said with his eyebrows raised.

"So it was _their _idea for Alice to dye my hair… RED! I'm coming for ya S & J, I'm coming for ya!"

The End

_**Thanks to all of you**__** for reading and reviewing, thanks to everyone who was supportive, we will probably be doing a sequel even if you don't want one!!**_

_**We hope that chapter was funny.**_

_**Love You All- S & J (The Authors)**_


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